by: Inez Woody

In an effort to break the ice and get to know one another, oftentimes men and women discuss controversial topics when dating. Why his or her last relationship failed, the ‘three month rule,’ and marriage are some of the subjects that are discussed. Many times, men and women disagree.  Some men feel that the behavior of women is sometimes clingy and aggressive, while women feel men should adhere to specific dating etiquette. There’s definitely a double standard as to what is acceptable for women versus men and vice versa. Actions that are acceptable for guys are frowned upon if women act that way. Many double standards will never change, as they have been around for so many years. Although we may not be able to do much about it, let’s take a look at some of the most common double standards in the complex world of dating. 

Number 6

Breaking Up: Men are jerks, women are victims

For the most part, the double standard that no matter who breaks up with whom, the man is always the jerk is definitely untrue. However, men are usually seen as the bad guy and the woman is usually portrayed as the victim. For the most part, women talk more. They will describe why the relationship went bad, and, of course, there are always three sides to every story; his side, her side, and the truth. Since women are emotional creatures (yes, ladies, we are), we have a tendency to convince our family and friends into believing that our ex is a jerk. But the truth of the matter is that when relationships end, most times both parties are to blame.

Number 5

Men ask and pay, women accept and smile

No matter who asks whom out on a date, it is usually expected that the man will pay for the dinner and theater tickets. This double standard has been around since the beginning of time.  What isn’t taken into consideration is the man’s salary or financial status; it’s just a given that he should pay for the date. In most situations and from experiences including my own, women will just accept and smile. This double standard has proven to be why most men feel that their investment should pay off, sooner than later, if you know what I mean. J  A good way to compromise here is to take turns treating or to go Dutch. This means each person pays his or her own way.  

Number 4

Cougars vs. Sugar Daddies

When a man is dating a younger woman he is considered a cradle robber, but if a woman decides to date someone her junior she is cheered. I remember a friend commenting negatively about the age difference between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, saying how she lost all respect for Cruise. My thought was, then why is Demi Moore praised for her relationship with Ashton Kutcher? I understand that for some reason society views men who date younger women differently than they do for women who date younger men. 

Number 3

Men can make a pass, but women shouldn’t

Awhile back, I was out at a bar with a girlfriend, and she saw a gentleman sitting alone. She found him to be very handsome, and once she eyed his wedding finger and saw no ring, the two Cosmopolitans she’d downed since we first entered the bar had taken their course, and she suddenly gained the confidence to have one of the waitresses send the gentleman a drink. He happily accepted and motioned for her to have a seat with him. As I ordered my next drink, the bartender made a comment that what my friend did was unladylike, and she mentioned that she was way too old fashion to ever make a move like that. I decided not to respond to her comment.  My thought was, “to each its own.” Why is it okay for a woman to make a pass at a man but not okay for a woman to make a pass at a man? She should not be seen as pushy and aggressive. In this day and age, I think that if a woman is confident enough to go after what she wants, then more power to her.

Number 2

Men are whipped, women are clingy

You know the deal. Guy meets girl. They date for awhile and suddenly they’re inseparable. In some relationships, one person may have more feelings. What is interesting is that if it’s the man, he is seen as whipped. However, if it’s the woman, she is usually seen as clingy – especially by his friends. She’s also seen as if she is trying to tie down the man. Remember the old saying “old ball and chain”? Oh where did that come from? J

Number 1

Men are glorified, women are ostracized

In a relationship that is not exclusive (i.e., one where both sides have agreed to date other people as well), people are not afraid to cast judgment on both sexes. The guy who’s simultaneously dating multiple women is praised and thought of as “da man” or “a pimp.” He’s simply doing his job, playing the game and gaining many lady friends from it.

The same accolades are not reserved for women who have ties to a few different men. In fact, the response is the polar opposite. She can be called the most degrading names in the book, as she is seen as being promiscuous and “easy.” These accusations are certainly not uncommon, even in today’s lax dating circles.

Unfortunately, the actions and habits that have become the norm in our society, from equal pay in the workforce to who should pay for dinner, often lead to double standards between men and women. There seems to be no middle ground, causing disagreements when it comes to the etiquette of simple dating. When this happens, we limit our true selves, afraid to journey outside of our “pre-determined” roles society has placed on us.